Post by NATHANAEL ANTOINE CLEMENCE on Mar 1, 2017 19:45:21 GMT 8
I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now
It was strange to hear Alise admit that she didn't know how to handle them anymore. Still she comforted him, subtly. Her hands upon his, it was hard not to feel a little ease from her reassurance. Now even Nate knew it would be a lie to deny what everyone said about him. He wasn't good for her, at least he hadn't been. Than again, there were two sides to every relationship and no matter how terrible he had been...they had some amazing moments together. Just like it would be a lie to say he was good for her it would be a lie to say he did not love her.
Nevertheless Alise's words stung. Honestly who wanted to stand there and listen to another person admit that you had messed up a part of their life, messed them up as a person. At least she could help fill the void that was left when he no longer had to feel survivors guilt after the attack, now he could just find a reason why he shouldn't feel sorry for himself about someone messing up his life. At least he hadn't tried to kill her, so....he had that going for him. 'I still love him' It wasn't the 'I love you' that he was desperate to hear from her again but it was as close has he had gotten in a while. If only the subject nature had been a little lighter maybe it would have even had a tone closer to what he had been longing for. Nate was hardly in a position to be picky though on how he go confirmation that the love was still there - that he wasn't entirely crazy.
There was a clench in his chest when she moved his hands from her shoulders and distanced herself by turning away. Nate struggled with wanting to just wrap his warms around her and pull her in - that wasn't his place anymore though, he couldn't keep doing that to her. So he let her face away no matter how much it was paining him. In the end he deserved the pain didn't he? Still here he stood behind her knowing she was at one of her weakest moments. Alise was not a girl who people saw as a scared or timid and yet here...even as a teenager Nate had rarely seen Alise sink to a moment such as this. How it killed him to restrain himself from wanting to comfort her in every way he knew.
The still of the silence was horrifying for Nate, not that her words would bring him much ease once the silence was broken. She spoke of going back and he did his best not to get swept up into the thoughts that he could so easily get carried away in. There was so much he knew now, about life, love, himself, her....everything really. How tempting the idea to turn back time, warn himself of just what he really was losing. Turning the clock back rarely worked out for anyone though. Was turning back time really their only option to relive those days though? Did they truly have no control over the outcome of their love story? If you asked Nate there was still time for them to re-write their ending, maybe it wasn't a fairy-tale but they still could make this life the one they had wanted. They could still have the spontaneous adventures and hideaway weekends, only this time when they escaped they could escape forever. If only...
Was it strange for her, thinking of him as the closest thing she had to family? For a minute Nate had to wonder just what sort of 'family' member she might consider him...what a strange and awkward thought train that could become. There was a slightly smugness that Nate felt when Alise mentioned how she couldn't even fathom talking to Carter about her situation. It was hard not to feel good when she was admitting that she trusted him more on a matter so sensitive to her.
'But you and I are a destructive force' He was about to rebut it - fight that they simply had been a destructive force, truth be told neither of them knew what they would be like together. Maybe they could guess and assume but even she had admitted that neither of them were they same people they had been when this had first started, life had changed them both over the many years. But as he found himself looking back into her green eyes he couldn't help but hold his tongue and let her speak her peace.
It took her words a moment to sink in for Nate. She was leaving Carter? She added temporarily but some how Nate felt that Carter wasn't who Alise would be looking to return to when she finished sorting everything out for herself. Or maybe it was just a strong hope of his, after all he really wasn't rooting for Carter to be some how be her soulmate....if anything he was positive that was himself, unfortunately for Alise...but he was going to be the man she deserved, he would prove it to her in the end. But if she couldn't be with someone she didn't trust to accept her for herself when she couldn't accept herself for herself could she be with someone who accepted her regardless?
The way her voice dropped down to such a soft tone was what broke Nate in the end. She really tested him didn't she? Nate couldn't stop himself from once again wrapping her up in his arms once again. It was really the only thing he could do to make sure he didn't foolishly try and kiss her only to get rejected. What did she expect giving him so much eye contact - he always took that as a sign to kiss her....he took everything as a sign to kiss her, sign - excuse, which ever way you wanted to look at it.
Maybe he should have spoken by now, but what words would even be right from him right about now? The obvious words would be ones spilled out in an attempt to win her back - to sway her to his side since she so openly was admitting he still had a chance. At least that was how her words were adding up in Nate's head. Instead he held her tight his face buried into hair his cheek brushing against her's. And than he let her go giving her space again except he had wasted no time in capturing her hand in his. Friends held hands...and even if they didn't he was determined to hold her's.
"Okay. Let's go to the park than." Collecting his poor discarded thermos in his free hand Nate started to lead them to the park. At first he was quiet, of course this was partly in due to the fact that his mind was going over so much of what Alise had just said to him. He couldn't just let information like that go - any of it. She was a half-blood. She wasn't exactly in love with Carter. She still loved him. A part of Nate wondered if he was forcing Alise to hold his hand or if she wanted to be holding it. Perhaps he should have wrapped his arm around her like before...but keeping her close like that was just too tempting. Even this was temping - she was just tempting.
"...Considering all things said...now don't get mad I'm asking this because, I mean, at least I'm asking....it would be extremely out of line for me to ask to kiss you wouldn't it?" Could she blame him for asking though? Hadn't it been a thought on both their minds, at some point since the last time they saw each other and the moments that just transpired. "It would be...sorry, I mean not all that sorry...I am me after all and, its a compliment to you in the end honestly...just forget I asked - brain damage and all..." He was always the more self indulgent of the two, speaking his mind, doing what he wanted. At least he had only asked and not just gave it a shot, little steps of maturity.
Nevertheless Alise's words stung. Honestly who wanted to stand there and listen to another person admit that you had messed up a part of their life, messed them up as a person. At least she could help fill the void that was left when he no longer had to feel survivors guilt after the attack, now he could just find a reason why he shouldn't feel sorry for himself about someone messing up his life. At least he hadn't tried to kill her, so....he had that going for him. 'I still love him' It wasn't the 'I love you' that he was desperate to hear from her again but it was as close has he had gotten in a while. If only the subject nature had been a little lighter maybe it would have even had a tone closer to what he had been longing for. Nate was hardly in a position to be picky though on how he go confirmation that the love was still there - that he wasn't entirely crazy.
There was a clench in his chest when she moved his hands from her shoulders and distanced herself by turning away. Nate struggled with wanting to just wrap his warms around her and pull her in - that wasn't his place anymore though, he couldn't keep doing that to her. So he let her face away no matter how much it was paining him. In the end he deserved the pain didn't he? Still here he stood behind her knowing she was at one of her weakest moments. Alise was not a girl who people saw as a scared or timid and yet here...even as a teenager Nate had rarely seen Alise sink to a moment such as this. How it killed him to restrain himself from wanting to comfort her in every way he knew.
The still of the silence was horrifying for Nate, not that her words would bring him much ease once the silence was broken. She spoke of going back and he did his best not to get swept up into the thoughts that he could so easily get carried away in. There was so much he knew now, about life, love, himself, her....everything really. How tempting the idea to turn back time, warn himself of just what he really was losing. Turning the clock back rarely worked out for anyone though. Was turning back time really their only option to relive those days though? Did they truly have no control over the outcome of their love story? If you asked Nate there was still time for them to re-write their ending, maybe it wasn't a fairy-tale but they still could make this life the one they had wanted. They could still have the spontaneous adventures and hideaway weekends, only this time when they escaped they could escape forever. If only...
Was it strange for her, thinking of him as the closest thing she had to family? For a minute Nate had to wonder just what sort of 'family' member she might consider him...what a strange and awkward thought train that could become. There was a slightly smugness that Nate felt when Alise mentioned how she couldn't even fathom talking to Carter about her situation. It was hard not to feel good when she was admitting that she trusted him more on a matter so sensitive to her.
'But you and I are a destructive force' He was about to rebut it - fight that they simply had been a destructive force, truth be told neither of them knew what they would be like together. Maybe they could guess and assume but even she had admitted that neither of them were they same people they had been when this had first started, life had changed them both over the many years. But as he found himself looking back into her green eyes he couldn't help but hold his tongue and let her speak her peace.
It took her words a moment to sink in for Nate. She was leaving Carter? She added temporarily but some how Nate felt that Carter wasn't who Alise would be looking to return to when she finished sorting everything out for herself. Or maybe it was just a strong hope of his, after all he really wasn't rooting for Carter to be some how be her soulmate....if anything he was positive that was himself, unfortunately for Alise...but he was going to be the man she deserved, he would prove it to her in the end. But if she couldn't be with someone she didn't trust to accept her for herself when she couldn't accept herself for herself could she be with someone who accepted her regardless?
The way her voice dropped down to such a soft tone was what broke Nate in the end. She really tested him didn't she? Nate couldn't stop himself from once again wrapping her up in his arms once again. It was really the only thing he could do to make sure he didn't foolishly try and kiss her only to get rejected. What did she expect giving him so much eye contact - he always took that as a sign to kiss her....he took everything as a sign to kiss her, sign - excuse, which ever way you wanted to look at it.
Maybe he should have spoken by now, but what words would even be right from him right about now? The obvious words would be ones spilled out in an attempt to win her back - to sway her to his side since she so openly was admitting he still had a chance. At least that was how her words were adding up in Nate's head. Instead he held her tight his face buried into hair his cheek brushing against her's. And than he let her go giving her space again except he had wasted no time in capturing her hand in his. Friends held hands...and even if they didn't he was determined to hold her's.
"Okay. Let's go to the park than." Collecting his poor discarded thermos in his free hand Nate started to lead them to the park. At first he was quiet, of course this was partly in due to the fact that his mind was going over so much of what Alise had just said to him. He couldn't just let information like that go - any of it. She was a half-blood. She wasn't exactly in love with Carter. She still loved him. A part of Nate wondered if he was forcing Alise to hold his hand or if she wanted to be holding it. Perhaps he should have wrapped his arm around her like before...but keeping her close like that was just too tempting. Even this was temping - she was just tempting.
"...Considering all things said...now don't get mad I'm asking this because, I mean, at least I'm asking....it would be extremely out of line for me to ask to kiss you wouldn't it?" Could she blame him for asking though? Hadn't it been a thought on both their minds, at some point since the last time they saw each other and the moments that just transpired. "It would be...sorry, I mean not all that sorry...I am me after all and, its a compliment to you in the end honestly...just forget I asked - brain damage and all..." He was always the more self indulgent of the two, speaking his mind, doing what he wanted. At least he had only asked and not just gave it a shot, little steps of maturity.
NOTES: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
WORDS: 1380 TAG: ALISE ANASTASIA REESE ABDEEN
WORDS: 1380 TAG: ALISE ANASTASIA REESE ABDEEN